Navigating the Teenage Conundrums: Insights and Reflections by Haimi
Introducing Haimi Kothari, a talented and introspective student who offers a unique perspective on the journey of growing up. Haimi’s thoughtful musings on life and the challenges faced by teenagers resonate with readers, inviting them to reflect on their own experiences and ponder the answers to profound questions.
In her article, Haimi delves into the complexities of friendships and relationships, exploring the delicate balance between compromise and self-preservation. She questions the concept of “the one” and challenges conventional notions of beauty and success. Haimi also contemplates the impact of social media on our lives and raises important queries about defining intelligence and coolness.
As a young philosopher, Haimi encourages her readers to embrace the uncertainties and mistakes of their teenage years. She shares her own lessons learned, emphasising the importance of finding personal purpose and staying resilient in the face of challenges. Haimi’s optimistic outlook and belief in the brighter days ahead serve as an inspiration for others navigating the complexities of adolescence.
Read her article below.
Conundrums of a teenager 😀
I remember wearing a t-shirt that said “Don’t grow up, it’s a trap” on the night right before my 16th birthday. As I was processing the journey up until my sweet 16, a lot of things suddenly started becoming more prominent in my head and my heart. For most of the birthdays so far, I have cried sleeping in at night, sometimes happy tears but mostly feeling overwhelmed about the fact that I am one year older, something that little me always looked up to, ironically now, I have no idea why!
The younger me had always wanted to grow up and live a life like an adult. She wanted to step out of the school campus, carrying the sweetest memories and believing in the promises of “we’ll always keep in touch, ofc” or “ohh, you will always be my best friend, today, tomorrow and forever”. I imagined stepping into a beautiful, massive college campus, somewhere far away from home where I would be having an entire apartment to myself and some super fun roommate I got along with. I always wanted to meet new people from across the globe, study very hard to sustain in my dream college, hang out with my friends all day, go shopping from one store to the other, watch movies with good food, have late-night car drives that would give me some crazy adrenaline rush, and just live a life that I thought was “perfect”, then.
I wanted to start my own business and have deep financial, and entrepreneurial discussions with my parents, learn how to save, spend wisely, do taxes, and so much more, along with traveling the world with them. Apart from all of these little things, being a teenager, obsessed with rom-com movies, I always thought of having “the one” around and having a super cute love story I could go on talking for hours in and out. The teenage craze had certainly swiped me off and I did live in my own little, dreamy bubble. However as I grow up, bits and parts of that bubble are breaking down, changing how I look at the world and my own space in that world. It’s so much different than the life little me always desired off, well to be honest it’s so much more real and brutal out there.
I have grown up reading, hearing and believing in the quote, “Always look at the bright side to life” but on certain days I just never knew what the bright side looked like. I always knew that the bright side did exist but the clouds just took over the sunshine sometimes and well that’s how I entered into my overthinker’s soliloquy era and here are a few snippets from my experience of growing up. Talking about friendships and relationships, well they don’t always exist in the highest high phase, most times it sinks to the lowest low and fluctuates heavily, uncertainly and just shakes you away. No matter how cool and fun this generation seems to be, it’s kind of toxic out there.
Yours will be a rare story, if you have a healthy friendship that’s survived through the waves and stuck by you even then, most people leave, and well not without causing heaps of drama and trauma, ofc. In my opinion “the one” is just a thought way too overhyped in itself, because as individuals, with a plethora of emotions bubbling within us, we tend to have different people to talk to about many different things. It’s not fair to weigh one person down with all your problems when you can’t deal with them solely too, you need different people for different moods and that’s how we can keep it real, intimate and just so much more decluttered. Moreover, moving away to a dream college doesn’t come without its own bitter sacrifices, while it may seem super exciting, it’s nerve-wrecking at the same time, to let go of what’s yours, your family, your own home, your bed, your favourite restaurant or your favourite chilling spot, just leave everything behind.
Having made these sacrifices, it’s a struggle for most individuals to earn enough money to maintain their living standards, luxury is a dream and a hope in itself, being able to live and sustain independently is a battle in itself and well all of this combined together makes “adulting” what it is. Apart from just thriving in your own battle, trust me when I say this, but it’s a pain watching your parents and loved ones grow old, fight their battles against age and time. A mother filled with energy and grace, dancing all around and chattering all day, just sits on the swing now, quiet, lost in herself; a father who would play cricket with me and always take me out on drives or play board games with me after work, now has aches in his body, exhausted by the end of the day; a transformation that breaks my heart but unfortunately an unescapable, unstoppable process.
However being a teenager isn’t just this, there’s so much more, in fact it’s a trap of “thin-lines” around me, questions I have no answers to no matter how much thought I give to it, questions possibly none of us can answer specifically. I would like to share a few of them here and see if there are other deep thinkers and explorers out there, who could possibly help me find answers to the same:
- What is the degree to which you would want to compromise in a friendship or relationship?
- Part ways on your first fight or hang in there till you start breaking your own heart? If there’s a mid-way, what does it look like? Maybe the person doesn’t deserve a second chance and the first fight could be enough as a signal to grow distant from them or maybe the person is worth the heartbreak you might have to bear in the short run, how do you decide then?
- When have you actually moved on?
- Are you ready to step into a new relationship only when you start hating the person who’s now a matter of the past? Or is it considered to have moved on, if you just cherish the bond, miss and think about what you had? Could that make someone new, insecure?
- What is the standard of beauty?
- How slim should one be to be categorised as beautiful enough and not skinny-shamed? How fair should one be to be called out as beautiful and not have racists look down upon them? How does one define beauty? If someone’s stood by you during your lowest and is the most genuine person, would that be classified as beautiful?
- How much time on social media is healthy?
- Parents might think not more than a good 30-40 minutes, but what if someone’s learning to cook, developing healthy friendships, or earning money off social media? Is there a specific screen time limit that does justice to the word “healthy”?
- How many marks is good enough to be titled as smart?
- A 95% score on the report card, oh that kid’s definitely so smart but oh a boy who can sell an old T-shirt in the name of vintage and earn money, but has a 45% in the report card, well definitely needs a lot of improvement. Is that how we define “smart”? Having good grades I might be told that I am smart but looking at my maths result, which is good according to others but makes me upset for it isn’t as much as I had worked hard for, then how do I decide if I am smart or not?
- What are the parameters of being cool?
- “Vaping thrice a day, is that cool?” “you wear mini skirts, you are a cool girl”, “He’s had 5 relationships in the past, damn that’s like a popular, cool kid trait” How often have we heard this gossip and believed in it too? Well how about a person who’s old school at heart, writes letters, and reads good books, is that boring and uncool? Someone offering financial and skill support at 10 NGOs, wouldn’t that make them a cool human? To be honest, it all depends on how we define the word “cool”
Ending the blog right there might have been a very loose ending, so I will try my best to provide some philosophical conclusion. Aww shucks, sorry I am still figuring out my life, just like you, and well there are a few important things I have learnt so far. It took me very long to understand fully that the definition of “enough” is different for each one so comparing yours to the others, won’t make sense, so you determine what you want in life.
Waking up with purpose every single day is my only long-term goal, why? So that every morning I know that the decisions I make should be based on how it aligns with that goal, and well it’s absolutely human to slide off the track, make wrong decisions and fall, but we must rise and have the courage to keep growing, which includes falling, and rising all over again. All of us are allowed days to have pity on ourselves, give second chances to the wrong people, binge-watch and write tests unprepared, and have issues saying no to toxicity, all of that is okay, and we all do commit these mistakes. Each one of us has committed sins but whether we accept it or not, faith for a better tomorrow, drives us and things do fall into place at the right time.
Don’t stress over just surviving the teenage era, it’s the only time when one can make mistakes without immense regret and the time when we feel the most alive, so do more of the things that make your soul happy, enjoy the little things and trust the fact that broken roads lead to the brightest lights, even if that means living a doomed life for a few hours, days, weeks, months or years, but there are better things in store for every individual. God is always working in your waiting so hold on for a little longer!
Through her heartfelt and relatable writing, Haimi invites readers to explore the deeper aspects of their own lives and find solace in the shared experiences of youth. Her engaging style and genuine curiosity make her a compelling voice in the realm of teenage introspection.
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